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I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
If by O.P.P. you mean Other People’s Pancakes, then yes I’m down with O.P.P.
The best part about living in a small town is when I don`t know what I`m doing, someone else does.
Yes, I dance in my car. Yes, I see you staring at me. No, I do not care.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
If you attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt it would be a waist of time.
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
True love is biting a slice of pizza when you`re fully aware that it will burn the roof of your mouth.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.