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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I quit my job with the Dept of Corrections. That place was like a prison...
My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people know where my tolerance level is at.
"We have HBO" - apparently still a bragging point in the motel industry.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.