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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
It takes two people to lie....one to lie.....the other to listen
Relax, you’re not paranoid at all. Everyone is talking about you.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Relationships are like yard sales. They look good from a distance, but once you get there it`s just a bunch of sh!t you don`t really need.
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
“Let’s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise” – sports fans
Long story short, I love summaries
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.