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Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I`m starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
My internet went down last week...so I talked to my family....thank goodness the internet came back
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
It`s not hotter this year. It`s just that you are fatter and there is more surface area for the sun to hit.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.