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If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Pizza gal reads my order back to me and says,"You have one large thick sausage, anything else?" With a smirk I reply,"Yes, I`d also like to order a pizza."
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other,it`s given me another reason to stare.
"How many people work at your company?" About half of them.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
I think you people lied to me...exactly how much of this hair of the dog do I have to eat before this hangover goes away?
$10 says some idiot is gonna hear the word Ebola and think "that`d be a great name for my new baby!"
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!