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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I love finding money in my clothes. It`s like a gift to me... from me. :)
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
I`m not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn`t looking,, I can turn water into Sprite.
Guys, if she says she`s crazy, she`s harmless. The real crazy ones never give you a damn clue.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinky head that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.