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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Selfie... Because it`s important to realize that it`s not the photographer who is making you look ugly.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
It’s getting really annoying how eating makes you gain weight..
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
The reason why women will never be the ones to propose is because as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping his pants
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.