Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t mind that my wife goes out to play bingo every night. It`s the coming back home part that bothers me.
You’re going to make some cats very happy one day.
Change is always hard.... Especially when a jar of it falls on your head.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I`ll never know.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen