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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
Whenever I weigh myself, I always subtract 10 pounds. I don`t think boobs, brains, and an ass this fabulous should count against me.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
I am who I am, your approval is not needed.
It`s Saturday morning. My neighbor has mowed his lawn AND weeded his garden. I`ve spent ten minutes trying to reach the remote with my foot.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."