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Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Nobody looks back on their life and remembers the nights they had plenty of sleep.
people say nobody`s perfect..i made nobody!..
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
Where is the button to restart summer?
Slipped on black ice today, I thought it was regular ice at first, but when I stood up, my wallet was gone.