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I just told my brother he was adopted, his response was, "At least they picked me"
Out of all the lies I`ve ever told, "Just kidding" is my favorite.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
My car broke down outside a massage parlor on today ... And again tomorrow.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.