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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
My inner child has a bottle of vodka in one hand, a whip in the other and a broken halo sticking out of her back pocket.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
Most of life is waiting for whatever you`re at to be over.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.