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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
On a math test: 2+2 = ? Me: *Use calculator just in case
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! Shhh! -Librarians arguing
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.