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My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused food, drinks. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him and started throwing things everywhere. After that we NEVER played monopoly again.
One should love animals.. They are so tasty.
It’s fun to pull someone’s leg… but don’t ever pull their finger.
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Summer needs to slow the hell down.
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-a$$".
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.