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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
Everytime I see βROFLββ¦ I think of Scooby Doo trying to say βwaffleβ.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
I`m looking for a girlfriend that likes me for my money, but is really bad at math...
If someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who is not buying this?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
I just saw a disclaimer that said βdonβt try this at homeβ, so I tried it at my neighbors house.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
I was just thinkingβ¦Then I thought βwhy?β... So there will be no more thinking today.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you donβt f*cking deserve string cheese.