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When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
So you constantly feel sorry for yourself and feel the need to tell everyone all about it. I can’t imagine why he left you.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Just saw a cop that had a U-Haul pulled over on the side of the road. Obviously he was trying to bust a move.
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead but other people do. The same is true when you are stupid.
Sorry I cancelled at the last minute, but it took me forever to think of an excuse I hadn`t used yet.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!