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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
I am not lazy, I`m on power saving mode
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360