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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Who the hell is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
I`ve got to remember to tie a string around my finger!
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
Whew, good thing there`s a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we`d be in real trouble.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.