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There is no such thing as bad luck, there is good luck and life!
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
#Redskins QB Robert Griffin III back after surgery to reconstruct the ACL and repair the LCL in his right knee. He`s now RG 3.2
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail ... JK ...It was me.
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
Whenever somebody is murdered, the 1st person the police investigae is the spouse. That should tell you all you need to know about marriage.