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I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
Knock knock Who`s there? Control Freak. Now you say "Control Freak who?"
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
Do strippers have nightmares where they are in front of a large crowd with their clothes on?
Ahh, Spring. When the days get longer and the dresses get shorter!!
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.