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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have
Technically, every picture is a before picture.