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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
It is kinda at the point where everything in my life is a movie reference
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I wonder what I did in a previous life to get reincarnated as me...
The police never think its as funny as you do.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Sometimes words are not enough. That`s why I always like to keep a baseball bat with me, just in case...
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
If I say "I don`t know, let me look", I`m really just spinning around in my chair a few times while you`re on hold.
You know you are in the hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
I wish karma would send me email notifications.