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when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Your so vain...you probably think this post is about you
Sometimes I go on Google Earth and just spin the sh!t out of the world & pretend I`m making everyone really dizzy.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
If the Internet was never invented... what would we all be doing now?
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
Does "who cares" count as advice?
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.