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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Ladys have it easy, if they ever do start to loose an argument they can just start playing with their boobs
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?