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Whats the difference between a phone number & an opinion? People ask for your phone number.
My fantasy is having two women at once...One Cooking, One Cleaning.
My password is SupermanHulkThorGoku, that`s the strongest password I can think of.
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
My kids keep bugging me about dinner, even after I keep telling them I already ate.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
What if 11:11 actually works but there`s one person in this world that`s wishing for everyone`s wishes to not come true?
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.