Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
I have found that the best work from home occupation is a bartender
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
Next time you ride on a roller coaster, take some spare bolts with you and just as it starts to move, tap the person in front of you and say, "these just fell out of your seat."