Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m amazed at the mileage my car is getting. I`m still running off the same tank of gas I bought last year!
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
Doctor says I`m morbidly a beast. Thanks doc.
In space they just call it "Jam"
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)