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"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
Nothing good has ever come from answering a call from a blocked phone number.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
Men think us women dream of finding the perfect man when really, all we want is to eat anything without getting fat.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
My penis was in the Guinness book of World Records. Then the librarian told me I had to take it out before she called security.
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.