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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
Lol at birds that walk places.
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
have you ever looked at someone and thought, "yeah you definitely have someone locked away in your basement."
No matter what I get, it’s impossible not to sound like a douche when saying my order at Starbucks.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…