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Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
My husband has a blanket pulled up over his face. I think this means he wants me to talk to him.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I can not change.
I love nostalgia. Not sure what it means, but it reminds me of magical words from my childhood.
Stalking is such a strong word. I perfer the term surveillance expert.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
"Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this." ... "Can`t touch this."--MC Hammer giving a Museum tour
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.