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liked homework better when it was called coloring.
I could kill you with kindness, but shoving you into traffic just saves so much time.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Is it weird to get naked during a massage? At what point can I ask the masseuse to put his pants back on?
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
BEFORE I GET DRUNK, NAKED,THROWN IN JAIL AND LOOSE MY DAMN PHONE. *HAPPY NEW YEAR.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot ... I didn`t even know I had a wife.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
Let`s be honest. The only reason you listen to your voice-mail messages is to make the stupid icon disappear
I’m glad you spent $80 on makeup to look like a $5 whore. Well done
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
It`s amazing what you can accomplish when you do stuff.
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.