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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
I hide my vodka in orange juice
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
I was watching craps at the casino all night until security finally dragged me out of the bathroom.
Improve your memory by doing unforgettable things.
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.