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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
When a pizza guy comes to my door, I like to answer wearing the same uniform as him and holding a pizza.....and then insist that he called me
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
I like it here because not only do I get to air out my dirty laundry, I get to see yours too.
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.