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New day, same old bullsh!t
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Woke up this morning and the alarm clock was laughing at me....then I realized it was upside down and the time was 7:07
I watched the deleted scenes from a porno last night. Turns out he ended up fixing the washing machine after all.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
I`ve never literally been tortured but I have walked behind old people when I was in a hurry.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
is bored of being bored because being bored is boring.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers