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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Netflix doesn’t care if u showered or not
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
I`m drinking like there`s snow tomorrow.
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
Is it "poon tang", or "poontang"? I`m trying to update my Christian Mingle profile.
I`m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
It`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes on Facebook.
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…
Hey you! Yea you ... Don`t just pass by my status and not say hi.