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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
My dog`s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I`d like it to be.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
This complimentary lemonade at the doctor`s office tastes funny.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
If a camera adds 10 pounds then maybe stop eating them
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
"You suck! No, you suck!!" - Two women in a threesome
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
Iām glad to know that we will never have to worry about a lack of weathermen. I mean, I know at least a couple dozen on Facebook.