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Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?
Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
I’ve found the best way to learn your co-workers’ names is by eating their food in the office fridge
I`m sleeping in tell Friday so ... Happy Tuesday.
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.