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I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me `Will you be putting it up yourself?` I told him, `No, you sicko, it`s going in the living room!`
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
Sometimes I can`t figure out if I`m in pre-school... high school.. oh wait, I`m at work.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.
Sometimes all you need is a hug or someone to tell you everything will be ok, or some rough sex or whatever...
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
I think Facebook now comes under the housework category.