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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I cannot even begin to imagine the conversation that led to the first circumcision.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Iām a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Today was about as much fun as a warm toilet seat in a public restroom!
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.