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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
"You`re as crazy as your mother" is the last thing I remember saying before waking up in intensive care
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
The wife and I never really argue except on where to vacation. I wanna go to the beach and she wants to come with me
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
I dare you to spit on this status.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.