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Yes, your opinion matters ... But not to me.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of sh!t?"
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Sometimes you just see a post and think, "Yup it`s your own fault."