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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
My email notification is a cricket sound that drives the wife crazy looking for the cricket. Winning!
I`m thankful for many things, but mostly that there were no camera phones when I was in high school.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
Silence is Golden, unless you`re married.. Then Silence is Suspicious.
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Few people have the balls to admit when they`re wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls.