Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
People like you remind me how lucky I am that my cell phone provider has a block option! Just sayin.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
How do people rap? I can’t even talk without messing it up.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Happy birthday to my Pet Rock who is 453,786,321 years old today!
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...