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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
I wish I could feel as happy as an adult, as I felt as a kid when the teacher wheeled in the TV during class
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
3 Things you need to know: Yes I Have. Yes I Can. Yes I will.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!