Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Some things get in the way of my happiness, so I ignore them.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
I walked briskly with scissors today. Iām pretty wild.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.