Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I`m wide awake. Not sure who won.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.