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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
I DON`T HATE YOU,I`M JUST NOT NECESSARILY EXCITED ABOUT YOUR EXISTENCE!
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
I find the best way to get rid of headaches is to send them either to their rooms or outside to play.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted