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So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
Long story short, I love summaries.
Just found out that Iām 53 Cheetos tall.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach the cookies.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
My dentist just told me I need a crown..... I know, right??
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Never let a medical procedure scare you. That`s what the bill is for.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Not quite feeling myself today. I`m going to see if booze helps...
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
dude i wasent tht drunk you were huging a peice of chese saying ill never let u go sponge bob
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!