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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
Helpful Tip : Never ask the cop to hold your beer while you dig out your drivers license.
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
FOR SALE: P90X® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon