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I want to meet myself from someone else’s point of view.
The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.