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I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Just give me coffee and no one gets hurt.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
When I say “Nevermind.” I really mean you should’ve listened the first time.
When someone says “You just made my day,” it makes my day.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
I have always been suspicious of Wendy`s hamburgers because they are square; much unlike the round hamburgers one finds in nature.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.