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Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
I`m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn`t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn`t brushed her teeth in forever.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
I bet if you asked a one-eyed person, they`d tell you it really WAS all fun and games up until that point.