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You never really know how many inches you`re gonna get or how long it`ll last. Snow, maybe.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
In the United States a man gets kicked in the groin every 6.2 seconds. I would hate to be that man.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Objects in spandex are larger than they appear
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
The liquor store clerk just wished me a merry Christmas as if she weren`t going to see me 7 more times before then.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.