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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
I can buy my own sugar. What I need is an insurance daddy.
The only thing creepier than seeing a guy in a Speedo is seeing a guy in a Speedo staring back at you
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?
Roses are red, violets are blue, If your parents told you you`re beautiful, they`re lyin to you..:D
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
Apparently everyone was too high in the 70`s when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
At the Touch of Love..Everyone Becomes a Poet !
But..At the Touch of Breakup Everyone Becomes a Philosopher... ^_^
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.