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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
The unplanned moments tend to be the best ones.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people, to remember the same thing.
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Was just thinking …. What would the world be like if McDonalds delivered?
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
You know that greener grass you see over there? You do realize it`s because they fertilize it with bullsh!t right?