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It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
Sometimes, I drink a glass of water, just to surprise my liver!
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Some people just need to be clothes lined
I`d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."